Perimenapause and dynamic relationship.

I've had a few weeks now deep diving and reflecting on relationship dynamics.

I've been emersing myself in information. As relationships are such a big part of why clients come for massage, as they navigate the YOU, ME and WE.

Clients come to resource themselves with supported guidance, to tend to their tender hearted, unmeet needs. And to honour their feelings, to find clarity, meaning and movement within themselves.

To grow, and potentially improve the created dynamic between two people.

Generally speaking there is a feild around each ME, and WE. In coming together we try to connect two unique inner universe's. However each person has a feild of experience that interprets the communication coming from each ME.

And the feild of WE needs support. So as not become a terrifying asteroid belt where your only hope is to fly out alive on the other side.

YOU and ME require expression, saftey and presence.

ARE you there for me?

Emotionally accessible, open and engaged.

What I've noticed through working with clients is each person is transforming under their unique life alchemy.

However it's rare that both parties are transforming at the same rate, infact often it seems we must dance each other into the conditions required for our personal and collective growth.

So as each ME feild is transforming,

So too must the WE feild.

For the WE feild to remain alive and healthy.

As we continue to spin into each emerging version of ourselves, we must circle back to re-invigorate and include our intimate other back into our sacred dance. Or the feild between us becomes stagnant, or stuck.

I'm going to share a personal insight, in the hopes it might alight an awareness for you.

For my 'perimenapausal friends' navigating the disappointment of your relationship dynamic!

Let's call it...

The dilemma of the middle aged in relationship. Or,

Now you know yourself better...

Walking down the well worn streets of Richmond an old version of myself arises, once again I feel a bit 'cool' and hip inside.

Here I was soaking in the atmosphere of people, culture a vibe of freedom on this Saturday night out, kid free on a date with my partner of 14 years.

Remembering who we used to be, how it used to be before domestic life.

My dear Benji zipped across the road "quick cross" and he was gone.

I now stood amoungst the Richmond grunge and foot ball riff raff on the less glamorous, less safe side of the street alone. Big girl undies on, I thought, reasuring myself I used to do this all the time...

But I realised in this small moment, I didn't want too, not now AND also ephinany moment; not back then either!!!

In my youth I had spent those years becoming someone, who might become 'someone's, someone.'

But in this roadside innocent dash, I realised who I had become and who I had always been, if only I'd had the courage to admit it back to myself back then.

However I now had realised my clear and higher standards; my desire to be treated as precious.

Not as a strategy, or a list of immature must meet X tick boxes- from those dating years.

But as an authentic inner need, this maturing woman realised I would very much like my partner to walk down the street with me, to take the time to check in with and walk beside me. Especially when its dark and crowded and a bit wild. To want to guard my safety on some level, to stay close and treat my well being as precious.

(Please dont get me wrong this isn't a make or break relationship moment. And my partner provides this experience in many other ways within our relationship.)

So let's circle back, towards the inner experience.

My self honesty has matured.

My self worth or esteem has developed, re established over time, within the 14 years of relationship and doing the inner work.

And within this lived experience of knowing myself better, of becoming more honest with myself. My inner standards have become clear.

And this I think is a big part of the struggle for us 'the perimenapausal woman.'

She is learning to communicate through a pre existing feild of the WE relationship her reclaimed standards.

As a clarity has shifted from the horizon into the feild of potential, its created a gravitational anchor a solid knowing, which know desires to be grounded in reality to take form and shape... and be lived into.

Now the WE asteroid belt must shift.

Because YOU and ME and WE matter.

WE must tend to the relationship wounds, the hurt, the disappointed, the neglected.

And sort through what we each arrived with, so we can honor our differences and re invest in what our soft bodies, our souls truly need.

SAFETY, EASE, to MATTER...

Knowing we individually must honor our true needs, the ache of truth. Our relationship with ourselves needs to be grounded in the foundational knowing of our worth and our loveability.

To find our way back,

to remain open hearted.

And lead the way back towards a meaningful life for the generations watching on.

My insights are intended as sharing for you to remember, honour and value your own truth. Not as therapy, but as balm for the heart.

I cannot recommend enough the work of Marshal Rosenberg's Non Violent Communication; when it comes to getting clear about our needs and learning to express them, knowing the other may not be able to meet them.